Thank You, bff. (understand the letter ‘f’)
Dear Katy;
How horrible can a friend leave you? Is it possible that, just when I thought I was blessed and finally found out who my true friends were, they just…fuck! I don’t even know how to say this. It’s really fuckin killing me. I just…I don’t understand. Honestly, what is wrong? It’s probably MY problem, I should go to another planet, where people would respect me, and recognise me as who I really am. I CAN’T believe, I’m gonna have to endure one more damn year. I wanna go awayyy!! I’m soo tired of this, Katy. I’m so LOST right now. I don’t even know, like, sometimes I feel like I should just quit! And that breaks me down! I’ll never quit. Cause life wouldn’t make any sense if I did.
Anyways, here’s what happend:
I don’t have many good friends. But those I have(or had) seemed pretty good ones. One of those “friends” of mine, is called Catarina, and she wants to be a director. As you know, my life is all about acting, so we should be somehow…connected in a way. Doesn’t matter. So, she’s working on this project with another of my “friends”, Carolina, they’re making a short-film, and she organised this whole oh-so-profesional thing, like with auditions and all. So I was involved from teh beguining and gave opinions, helped with the camera issue, I helped as much as I could, even though they kinda kept me out of it, cause it was supposed to be profesional(very). So, I went to the audition that they shot with my camera. It’s been 4 days since audition day, and she hasn’t talked to me since. Yesterday I found out, by another friend of mine, that I hadn’t been chosen for the role. Actually, yesterday I found out quite a lot of things… So, the thing is: I don’t give a *shit* about not having the fucking role. The script is shit, it would bring me nothing. Actually, I’m the first to wish the the…best. I hope they have a great film done there,really. Now, what I do care about, is the fact that everybody knew about this, except me. I was the LAST person to know! How great, really! Me, who’s always been there. Me, who’s helped her whenever the hell she wanted. And, most important of all, ME who is her friend! How fucking friendly is this? I mean…seriously! I’m really REALLY hurt right now. I never thought I’d actually cry this much because of people who are supposed to be friends! And you know what? I’m not done yet. We had met, a few days ago, this guy, who I kinda got interested in…and they knew it. They fucking knew it, cause they’re not dumb. So, they invited the guy to audition the next day, and they didn’t tell me. They didn’t tell me. Fuck knows why. They probably didn’t want me to disturb them. They shouldn’t worry about that, cause I’ll never even look at them, EVER AGAIN. I’m done. No more fucking projects or whatever. They proved to be bad people. Good people don’t do this stuff to friends.
Honestly, at this moment, I find myself in the deepest despair I have ever experienced. I don’t know what to feel, what to think, what to do…I don’t know anything. I’m feeling alone, right now… I mean… I have you KATY, but the thing is, you don’t even know I exist… It’s just…it’s amazing how people actually have the ability of letting me down….specialy people who I REALLY thought were my friends, people I NEEDED in my life. I know this is just a phase, I guess I should just bear it. That’s what I’ll do. I’ll bear it, I’ve handled a lot so far, what’s another disapointment? It’s just that I am SHOCKED right now. I mean, I can’t believe that she’s actually doing thhis to me, Katy. Is the world just shit? Are all the people unable to remain faithful and loving to eachother? I can’t believe this….I can’t believe this.
I love you Katy, thanks for being one of my motivations :)
